lacking nothing. complete in Christ.

An intimate relationship with the Lord is all you need.

How refreshing is it to know that God doesn’t require us to understand all of His complexities? God makes it simple or us. All that is required is to know that He loved us enough to send His only Son to pay the debt of our sins and we must then put our trust in Him. We do not need to be biblical scholars in order to intimately connect with the King of Kings, though the extra knowledge may be beneficial. God loved us long before we ever understood the concept of love or anything else. He loved us before we were formed and created by His wonderful craftsmanship. The Gospel speaks for itself. It does not require eloquence or perfection to have power. There is no reason to feel inadequate. Knowing Christ provides whatever we need where we lack it. Jesus compensates for our shortcomings. Because of the price Jesus paid, we can boast in our weaknesses because that’s where His power is perfectly demonstrated to showcase His strength. we know that the Holy Spirit is indeed enough.

my current background & my current choice. ;)

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll just begin in the middle.  I have been experiencing an extremely rough time lately, so much so, that I think, if we’re being honest, there is a good chance that I have a slight form of depression.  

I had a lengthy talk with Herschel today about what in the world is going on with me and what we got to basically is this:  I live a life based on worry and my selfishness is getting me nowhere.  He encouraged me to read Romans tonight.  In my head, I thought of how much I have to do… But all my homework was pushed aside.  My quizzes and tests have been postponed.  It’s like God planned this or something.  He may have.  Now that I think about it, I think God used my uncontrollable emotions to lead me to a place of vulnerability.  A place where I am required to listen to everything He has to say.

So I started to read Romans tonight - everything spoke volumes higher than it ever has before.  Then I read Romans 5:8 and, though I’ve heard this verse hundreds of times, tonight it was different.  I decided to sit and be STILL and let her resonate within me.  I sat here for a few good moments with deep thoughtful sighs.  Next thing I know, I’m crying my eyes out. I was literally kissing my Bible.  These last few weeks have been painful and rough for me, so crying is not something foreign to me during this season, however, these tears were not tears of sadness.  These tears were of gratitude and of humble recognition of how unworthy I am to be a child of God.

 I am drowning in grace.  

I started to daydream.  I saw myself standing against a wall at gunpoint.  An angry man saying that I have made a lot of mistakes and I don’t deserve to walk away guilt-free.  Next thing I know, a man walks up to this scene and offers to die instead.  I thought about how, not knowing this man at the time of making my myriad of mistakes, how unfathomable it was that this man, with such a beautiful heart, would want to offer up his own life for mine.  That’s Jesus.  

I thought about my relationship with Herschel.  Sometimes I feel inadequate; like I don’t measure up to the person that (in my mind) is worthy to be his.  I thought about how he accepts me, along with every bad thing I have to offer him.  I thought about how good it feels to be accepted like that.  Herschel’s acceptance of me feels really good - he makes me feel special.  Then realized Herschel accepts me on a 5% level in comparison to how God accepts me.  

I feel appreciated when my boyfriend merely accepts me, but I sink to my knees in thought of the way that God accepts me.

I am overwhelmed by love and grace.  How and WHY would a God who does not need me in the least bit choose to love me?  I am not worth it.  I have nothing offer.  But that’s the point.  I am nothing without the Love my life.  I have nothing to bring but brokenness to the table.  God redeems my Spirit with an “I love you”.  I am blown away by how in which He continues to meet me where I am, especially when I am anything but deserving. 

It’s funny how much more I like myself when I let God be in control.  I am not the same person if God not the Leader of my life.  I am really not fond of who I am without God.  God makes up all the good things within me.  Everything I have on my own falls short.  I don’t want to see who I am without Him.  God gives me my worth.  He is my security, even when I am not always paying attention to the fact that He’s waving it in front of my face.  Yes, I’m a bit oblivious sometimes.  Sometimes I miss it.  But God has used recent circumstances to get my attention.  He’s done just about everything but flick me in the face between my eyeballs.  I feel silly that I’ve been so ignorant to how He has beckoned for my attention.  Here I was, doing all the talking, saying “God, hear my cries”.  He was.  And He is, but I wasn’t listening in return.  I was shouting my sorrow at Him in hopes of a renewed hope and spirit, but missing that He was answering by saying “Come to Me.  Come to Me with all of You.”  

I’m listening.  

I’m so in love.  I literally sat here in my bed and cried for fourty-five plus minutes in thought and appreciation of the way God loves me.  Any words I could offer meant little in what it is that I intend to say to express my level of thankfulness.  I just said, “Father, look at my heart.  See my gratitude.  Take my life, my desires, my comforts, my everything.  I will delight myself in you.  Everything else will fall into place.”  So I let God do the talking and I finally shut up.

Thank You, Lord for speaking to me in ways in which I can hear.  Ways in which, I’ll really listen.  Thank You for getting my attention in this moment.  I love love love love love love You.

 

BUT IF YOU SEE THAT THE JOB IS TOO BIG FOR YOU, THAT IT’S SOMETHING ONLY GOD CAN DO, AND YOU TRUST HIM TO DO IT - YOU COULD NEVER DO IT FOR YOURSELF NO MATTER HOW HARD AND LONG YOU WORKED - WELL, THAT TRUSTING-HIM-TO-DO-IT IS WHAT GETS YOU SET RIGHT WITH GOD, BUT GOD. SHEER GIFT. - ROMANS 4:5 (MSG)

ALL MY DELIGHT.

Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the LORD will be renewed. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and won’t become weary. They will walk and won’t grow tired. - Isaiah 40:31

It’s nights like these where I feel completely and utterly blessed.  Blessed that I’m loved by a God that has no reason to love me, yet He yearns for a relationship with me. His love never leaves me despite how little I deserve it.  I am so thankful for the blessings that have been showing in my life, especially prayers that were answered tonight.  I’ve been holding so tightly to fear and worry and I think God has prevailed one, because He is just that good and He hears my cries to Him, and two, He wants me to learn to trust Him for the little and the big things.  I never know what to expect of certain situations, but God is always right there, articulating my words.  I feel so safe in knowing that my God is my delight and my security.  Whatever concerns, worries, or frustrations that I have in my future, or my present for that matter, He hears me and He is HERE.

Thankful for so many things.  My heart is overflowing with joy.

STILL.

PSALM 63 

1 O God, you are my God, 

       earnestly I seek you; 

       my soul thirsts for you, 

       my body longs for you, 

       in a dry and weary land 

       where there is no water.

 2 I have seen you in the sanctuary 

       and beheld your power and your glory.

 3 Because your love is better than life, 

       my lips will glorify you.

 4 I will praise you as long as I live, 

       and in your name I will lift up my hands.

 5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; 

       with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

 6 On my bed I remember you; 

       I think of you through the watches of the night.

 7 Because you are my help, 

       I sing in the shadow of your wings.

 8 My soul clings to you; 

       your right hand upholds me.

 9 They who seek my life will be destroyed; 

       they will go down to the depths of the earth.

 10 They will be given over to the sword 

       and become food for jackals.

 11 But the king will rejoice in God; 

       all who swear by God’s name will praise him, 

       while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

(NIV)