lacking nothing. complete in Christ.

“Nothing is Impossible With God”

this is not to be taken lightly, but literally. God has been speaking to me so loudly that I can’t ignore it any longer.  I’m choosing to believe that God can do what He says He can do.

(more thoughts to come soon.)

An intimate relationship with the Lord is all you need.

How refreshing is it to know that God doesn’t require us to understand all of His complexities? God makes it simple or us. All that is required is to know that He loved us enough to send His only Son to pay the debt of our sins and we must then put our trust in Him. We do not need to be biblical scholars in order to intimately connect with the King of Kings, though the extra knowledge may be beneficial. God loved us long before we ever understood the concept of love or anything else. He loved us before we were formed and created by His wonderful craftsmanship. The Gospel speaks for itself. It does not require eloquence or perfection to have power. There is no reason to feel inadequate. Knowing Christ provides whatever we need where we lack it. Jesus compensates for our shortcomings. Because of the price Jesus paid, we can boast in our weaknesses because that’s where His power is perfectly demonstrated to showcase His strength. we know that the Holy Spirit is indeed enough.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll just begin in the middle.  I have been experiencing an extremely rough time lately, so much so, that I think, if we’re being honest, there is a good chance that I have a slight form of depression.  

I had a lengthy talk with Herschel today about what in the world is going on with me and what we got to basically is this:  I live a life based on worry and my selfishness is getting me nowhere.  He encouraged me to read Romans tonight.  In my head, I thought of how much I have to do… But all my homework was pushed aside.  My quizzes and tests have been postponed.  It’s like God planned this or something.  He may have.  Now that I think about it, I think God used my uncontrollable emotions to lead me to a place of vulnerability.  A place where I am required to listen to everything He has to say.

So I started to read Romans tonight - everything spoke volumes higher than it ever has before.  Then I read Romans 5:8 and, though I’ve heard this verse hundreds of times, tonight it was different.  I decided to sit and be STILL and let her resonate within me.  I sat here for a few good moments with deep thoughtful sighs.  Next thing I know, I’m crying my eyes out. I was literally kissing my Bible.  These last few weeks have been painful and rough for me, so crying is not something foreign to me during this season, however, these tears were not tears of sadness.  These tears were of gratitude and of humble recognition of how unworthy I am to be a child of God.

 I am drowning in grace.  

I started to daydream.  I saw myself standing against a wall at gunpoint.  An angry man saying that I have made a lot of mistakes and I don’t deserve to walk away guilt-free.  Next thing I know, a man walks up to this scene and offers to die instead.  I thought about how, not knowing this man at the time of making my myriad of mistakes, how unfathomable it was that this man, with such a beautiful heart, would want to offer up his own life for mine.  That’s Jesus.  

I thought about my relationship with Herschel.  Sometimes I feel inadequate; like I don’t measure up to the person that (in my mind) is worthy to be his.  I thought about how he accepts me, along with every bad thing I have to offer him.  I thought about how good it feels to be accepted like that.  Herschel’s acceptance of me feels really good - he makes me feel special.  Then realized Herschel accepts me on a 5% level in comparison to how God accepts me.  

I feel appreciated when my boyfriend merely accepts me, but I sink to my knees in thought of the way that God accepts me.

I am overwhelmed by love and grace.  How and WHY would a God who does not need me in the least bit choose to love me?  I am not worth it.  I have nothing offer.  But that’s the point.  I am nothing without the Love my life.  I have nothing to bring but brokenness to the table.  God redeems my Spirit with an “I love you”.  I am blown away by how in which He continues to meet me where I am, especially when I am anything but deserving. 

It’s funny how much more I like myself when I let God be in control.  I am not the same person if God not the Leader of my life.  I am really not fond of who I am without God.  God makes up all the good things within me.  Everything I have on my own falls short.  I don’t want to see who I am without Him.  God gives me my worth.  He is my security, even when I am not always paying attention to the fact that He’s waving it in front of my face.  Yes, I’m a bit oblivious sometimes.  Sometimes I miss it.  But God has used recent circumstances to get my attention.  He’s done just about everything but flick me in the face between my eyeballs.  I feel silly that I’ve been so ignorant to how He has beckoned for my attention.  Here I was, doing all the talking, saying “God, hear my cries”.  He was.  And He is, but I wasn’t listening in return.  I was shouting my sorrow at Him in hopes of a renewed hope and spirit, but missing that He was answering by saying “Come to Me.  Come to Me with all of You.”  

I’m listening.  

I’m so in love.  I literally sat here in my bed and cried for fourty-five plus minutes in thought and appreciation of the way God loves me.  Any words I could offer meant little in what it is that I intend to say to express my level of thankfulness.  I just said, “Father, look at my heart.  See my gratitude.  Take my life, my desires, my comforts, my everything.  I will delight myself in you.  Everything else will fall into place.”  So I let God do the talking and I finally shut up.

Thank You, Lord for speaking to me in ways in which I can hear.  Ways in which, I’ll really listen.  Thank You for getting my attention in this moment.  I love love love love love love You.

 

BUT IF YOU SEE THAT THE JOB IS TOO BIG FOR YOU, THAT IT’S SOMETHING ONLY GOD CAN DO, AND YOU TRUST HIM TO DO IT - YOU COULD NEVER DO IT FOR YOURSELF NO MATTER HOW HARD AND LONG YOU WORKED - WELL, THAT TRUSTING-HIM-TO-DO-IT IS WHAT GETS YOU SET RIGHT WITH GOD, BUT GOD. SHEER GIFT. - ROMANS 4:5 (MSG)

Blessings Swarm

there is so much to be thankful for.  Home isn’t the happiest place in the world right now, but it holds the people that I love the most.  This week I’ve reflected on who I’ve transformed into over the past year.  What I’ve learned and what I’ve left behind.  I learned the meaning of depending on God as my source of strength and I’ve learned to expect and appreciate that He hears my cries.  I continuously see God changing pieces of me for the better - improving me chunk by chunk.  I’m more than thrilled with the journey He’s taking me on.  I’m thrilled by the people I’m surrounded by and I am deeply touched with opportunities to grow and learn more than I already have.  Yes, so much can be improved in me (and in the circumstances around me), however, there is so much that remains that I can’t help but see.  I can’t quickly move on and pass these moments of gratitude by.  My blessings are swarming me and I’ve never felt more at peace with my past, my present and my future.  I am so blessed.  Blessed by pain, blessed by joy, blessed by all the trivial moments in between.  

God is here.  He’s listening.  He’s answering.  He’s got me in the palm of His hand.  There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.  STILL THANKFUL.

I’ve been thinking.

I’ve been thinking about how little I am without the Holy Spirit.  I am embarrassed to say that the last few weeks, my eyes have not been Jesus, but they’ve been on myself.  With my heart and my head right, I can happily say that the person I am without Christ as the center of my life, is not who I want to be.

A month ago, I was run down.  Low on energy.  Less than enthused and exhausted.  But God slapped me silly (in love, of course).  The Holy Spirit provides me with a zest for life and a passion for people and things that DOES NOT and CANNOT exist with Him creating it in me.  Those are qualities about me that wouldn’t exist without God.  Such a humbling lesson to relearn.  

In the words of Lacrae, “It’s really God workin’ through me dog, I’m not dat sweet.”

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me… Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. - PSALM 51:10,12

I’ve been praying so fervently that God would open my heart up and change my focus on all of His goodness and His glory.  I’ve been praying that my old spark would come back.  That my heart for people would be renewed.  These prayers, and more, have been answered.  I feel blessed, refreshed and overjoyed.

I am baffled that my God cares so much about my finite self in this giant world.  I am humbled - how in the would can He love someone like me so much when all I have to offer Him is so little?  That’s the beauty of grace, I suppose.  

Thank You for hearing my cries, Daddy.

SPIRITUALLY CONSTIPATED.

I tried to take time to quiet my mind and it far more difficult than I ever anticipated it to be.  I felt hopeless proclaiming constipated prayers out my windshield.  I know I wasn’t alone, but in those forty seven minutes, it sure felt like it.  

After contemplation and deep thought, I’ve discovered I haven’t been submitting myself to God like I want to (and convicting as it is, I haven’t been submitting like I’ve committed to).  I’ve allowed worries and fears of the future consume me, severely damaging my spirit.  I’ve felt drained. I’ve poured out every single ounce of myself that I have to pour, having no way to refuel.  I’m running on empty; nothing I say or do is beneficial because it’s as if I’m not even “present” in those moments.  I don’t have the capacity to be.

Satan has been so near.  Maybe it’s because God is trying to use me for the benefit of His kingdom, maybe it’s because I’m about to do something really great to glorify His name.  Satan has been breathing lies down my neck and it’s felt nearly impossible not to begin believing them.  He’s said that I don’t deserve rest because it’s selfish, yet he’s said that I shouldn’t do anything at all because I’m too tired.  He’s lied to me about my relationships, denying any positive regard toward me from everyone. He’s told me I’m worthless, lacking value.  He’s lied about my perceptions of people, construing everyone against me in my head.  He’s lied saying that I can handle everything on my own. He’s lied that my life is out of control and that I should worry.  


Well not anymore.

I’ve been telling God how large my problems are instead of telling my problems how powerful my God is.  I’ve been running to counselors, friends, family for answers when God has been sitting right under my nose, knocking on the door of my heart.

I’ve had enough.  I’ve had enough of this “I’m gonna fix it” attitude.  I’m ready to fully submit.  Not like before, not with just words.  With action.  With my life.  My efforts will tend to what’s in front of me.  I refuse to waste my much-needed energy with worries.  The future is out of my hands.  God is taking care of me in this very moment.  He’ll be taking care of me in the next twenty minutes, the next twenty months, and the next twenty years.  Why have I let the forest fire of worry ignite?  Why have I let things get this bad?  Things are going to change.

I trust that God has got me in His hands, protecting me.  I trust that He is the One in control.  
From this day forward, I will not be hindered by tomorrow.  
Today will be my focus.
I will not run to anyone else before I run to my Heavenly Daddy to hold me.
I am ready to rid myself of everything that’s not of God and His goodness.
I want nothing of myself - clearly, I only make big fat messes of my life.

I am encouraged by tonight.  Having sobbed in my car, I honestly did not know how I would feel by the time I climbed into bed.  But here I am, grinning and typing away on Myrtle (my laptop).

I am so blessed by the people in my life.  I have been so encouraged despite my short-lived feelings of defeat and hopelessness I experienced this evening as I watched the sun go down.  I am ready to embrace this next chapter placing my attention fervently on the Love/Lord of my life supremely over anything and everything else.

Psalm 63 is my anthem this evening.  Thank You, God, for loving me even when it’s hard to love myself.  It is an HONOR to be a child of Yours.

I HOLD ONTO YOU FOR DEAR LIFE AND YOU HOLD ME STEADY AS A POST  - Psalm 63:5