lacking nothing. complete in Christ.

I feel weird as I’m writing this.  For one, I am not feeling eloquent in the least bit and for two, a lot has happened in the last year.  I’m not so sure I am ready for another one… haha.  I say that as if I had a choice.

On January 1st, 2011… I thought that 2010 was a rough year.  Funny how life is… 2011 was no easier on me.  It was by far one of the greatest years of growth that I have ever experienced.  I feel like I say that every year, but this year, I mean it the most.  I stretched myself in areas that I wasn’t exactly ready for.

In 2011, I attended SMC despite my undefined feelings about Kaleo, I moved to another city, I lived in two different suites with all kinds of personalities, I had the worst job I’ve EVER had, I nearly met my weight loss goal (but got pretty darn close!), I did my best to nurse Herschel’s physical pain (from Peru…) and he nursed my emotional pain, discovered Zumba, was a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s weddings, I became acquainted with Al-anon, made new friendships!, I ran my first 5k, I went to the circus, was an NSI mentor, got rid of TONS of stuff that I don’t need, chopped my hair off, led a small group, volunteered for LifeTools in helping teens deal with emotions, endured all sorts of growth through counseling and psychology classes, solidified my relationship with Herschel through openness and vulnerability, watched Herschel graduate, got accepted as a counselor for Pine Cove, saw most of my family members and found a passion for sex trafficking and sexual abuse victims and so much more.  I have spent time (over break at least) reading and resting.  This year, just thinking about it, has been exhausting.

This is not one of those years where I ramble on and on about how time has flown.  I don’t feel that it has.  It trickled by slowly.  When I was stuck in unpleasant situations, time ticked on…. but I was the busiest I have ever been.  Overcommitted without a doubt.  As I sit here, I don’t feel inspired… which is rare for me this time of year.  But I know that things will get better than they are now, or that’s my prayer at least.

As I look back on 2011, I realize the giant transformation that has taken me from the person I was  year ago the person I am now.  I have always said that I felt 22… strangely enough… I just feel 20 now.  Even so, I feel like I have aged another four or five years in the last twelve months.  Perhaps I don’t wanna grow older.  Not sure, but all I know is that I have endured deep joy and deep hurt in 2011.  I have felt deep pride in my accomplishments and deep pain in my heart after many things resurfaced.  

This year, I lost almost thirty pounds.  I don’t say that to brag, but that is a monumental feat for this girl.  I never in a bajillion years thought that I could do it, but I did.  My weight loss began the catalyst for change in the upcoming months.  I worked hard on my physical/outer self, but I pushed even harder to work on my emotional/inner self.  The change I experienced in my heart is so incredible that I cannot even put it into words.  Sometimes I fear that I am going to slip back to my old ways, but I am trying to hold my head high and think positively.  Great things have happened and I have healed tremendously.  In the process, God has revealed to me (just a glimpse of) what He thinks I am worth.  This year I learned that I lack nothing because I am His child.  He compensates for all my weaknesses.  Everything that is good in me comes from God and God alone.

Last year I made resolutions that I mostly kept, which is impressive considering my track record.  In the year 2012, these will be my resolutions:

1.  Don’t slack off on Quiet Time.  It’s easy to get caught up in life, but there’s no
     excuse that justifies giving God sloppy seconds.  Stillness requires intentionality.
2.  Actually reach my goal weight — just a few more lbs to go.  No more
     emotional eating.  Perhaps less Diet Coke?  Noooooo.
3.  Don’t overcommit myself to too many groups/activities.  Take it slow.
4.  If and when I can’t do something or be “perfect”, don’t beat myself up.  Guilt is    
     not a useful emotion.  I can’t get it right ALL the time and I don’t have to please       
     everyone. (Remember: “just for today” and “easy does it”).
5.  Get ahead of the game, work on assignments in advance, grab ahold of that
     schedule.  Leave room for some solitude so I don’t explode.  Oh, and have fun!
6.  Communicate!  Communicate!  Communicate!  Don’t let awkward conflict ruin
     my relationships.  Learn to express my feelings and needs in a healthy manner.
7.  Document!  Take the few minutes every once in a while to blog or journal
     thoughts.  Take pictures.  Make scrapbooks.  Vlog.  Whatever.  Don’t forget to
     remember. 

That’s it for now.  I am hoping to live better this year than I did last year and use what I know and my life experiences to enhance or bring light to the lives of others.  On January 1st, 2013 I would like to say that I am proud of the Jordan that lived in 2012.  It all begins now.  

 

In the words of Rosie Golan, “It’s been a long year and I’m finally ready to be here.”